Furthering on in the hallowed pursuit of finding ugly progeny Salus by ZombieJill is reputed to produce. Effort one produced average and sometimes adorable kids, largely awkward teenagers (but not all) and then either average or lovely adults (except for poor Skeletor's Bride, Lila). NOT GOOD ENOUGH! NEED TO SEE FUGLY ACTION! IT'S ADVERTISED, WE WANT OUR MONEY'S WORTH!

Since doing the first version, atleast two other people that I know of ( (YAY MA RUI BABY <333) & pxl8's thorough attempts) have picked up my gauntlet and run with it! GO GO GUYS! Your efforts to find the fug shall be heralded in fable and song throughout the ages. *high fives*

My previous problem of not having Bon Voyage and no clean installer for mac or anything available has now been overcome, since I got rash and bought myself Bon Voyage. YAY! So now we have Salus in his ORIGINAL FORM WITH WITH TO BREED.... MmMmMmmm hot man breedin' -- Everybody's favourite past time y/y?

Since Poppy, my previous PrettyUterus™ was apparently TOO PRETTY, I thought this time (with a little prodding from friends) that I'd try and make a new Salus, and then hook him up with 'the help' or at least a townie... Thusly, the pursuit of love, happiness and a suitable uterus is the first thing on the cards...! LET US PROCEDE!

Let's meet Saul Leporiphobia (shouts out to ), and his cat, Cotton. Saul is NO RELATION TO SALUS PHORMUU AT ALL, AND TTHEY DO NOT SHARE A FENCE. NOSIRREEEEEEE... *innocent*

Okay so maybe at some point back in their ancestry they might've some kind of relationary relations, but that's all I'm owning up to. K??!

Saul has ridiculously ridiculous LTWs. Just because YOU are a breeder doesn't mean that Cotton should be too, UNDERSTAND ME, SAUL!!?!!?!

*wibbles* Apparently he does not. *sigh*

Just to make sure we're all in agreeance, this IS definitely Salus, aka Saul. So I changed his hair to something a little more blokey, but check him out! He's got the :| face DOWN.

Saul: DRIVING CARS IS SRS BUSINESS!

Right! So, Saul? Cotton is a) a boy and b) a cat so you can't use him as your Uterus, so stop trying to make overtures to him. K? O_O;;;;; Apparently these are desperate, PrettyUterus™ deficient times. *hangs head* Like the potato famine only with less irish people and no potatoes.

Amusingly, the 'welcome wagon' arrives to thwart our first attempts at finding a Uterus (ALTHOUGH! Perhaps there's a Uterus among the wagon folk?! Saul can be the Duke, all "Hey there little lady, I'll fix your wagon...." /drawl) and among them is Salusar. He never EVER did the :| face the whole time I was doing his challenge, but suddenly he's no longer the star and look what comes flying out of the woodwork!

NOT BUYING IT, SALUSAR! WE KNOW YOU FOR THE GOOFILY GRINNED, CRAZY PIANO PLAYING, TOY-MAKING LUNATIC YOU REALLY ARE!

OH GOD IN HEAVEN! O_O;;; HELP ME JAYSUS!! Wanda Tinker is part of the WW. For the love of all that's holy, BURN IT WITH FIRE. Saul might be desperate for some fertile booty but I think we'd all support him attempting to impregnate Cotton over getting within forty metres of Mrs. Tinker. ^_^;;;

HI VIOLET! :D :D Looking roman-nosed and lovely there, ma petite. I have to say I was semi tempted to get them hooked up, but I thought that might be a little apple-too-close-to-the-tree. Saul didn't though and they formed mutal crushes on each other in about three minutes flat.

That'd kind've be like dating your Uncle though, wouldn't it?

I can't really imagine Violet running off with Saul, having a mess of babies and then Saul dying horribly in a car accident and her having to return to Poppy dejected and alone and Poppy forcing her to lock the kids in the attic so that they end up having even more incestuous affairs and continuing on the vicious cycle of ballet dancing and medical school.

That's kind of more Lila's thing, no? XD

INAPPROPRIATE, THY NAME BE WANDA TINKER. >_>;;; Yes he is hung that way, and no you're not getting ANYWHERE NEAR IT.

I love Violet's face though "O REALLY?!?!? *gasp*" Violet your dad is sitting across the table from you. Decorum, k?

We interupt our daily scheduled program and carnival of psuedo-incestual possibilities to bring you Cotton. Just because no one can refuse that little face some airtime.

THE GARDENER ARRIVES! SHE'S A WOMAN! THEREFORE SHE HAS A UTERUS!! AND SHE IS... Disappointingly manly. Darnit! O_O;;

Kaylynn the Playgirl-Maid appears. Also rather manly. WTH!? Is this sex-change central or something? I've got nothing against pretty transexuals but WE REQUIRE FUNCTIONING UTERUS, KTHX >_<;;

Okay, the local pickings are apparently slim, so far we've had Wanda Tinker, May-As-Well-Be-Your-Niece-Violet, ManGardener™ Tracey and ManMaid™ Kaylynn. Obviously we're going to have to cast our net further afield... TO JAPAN/CHINA/KOREA/GENERICASIATOWN!!

So what that holiday romances never usually last. Do I have to play the Wanda Tinker card again?

So Saul arrives at his newly-purchased holiday home and look what walks by. Well HELLO THERE MISS VANESSA CHEN! Are those some welcoming arms you have outstretched there? DO TWINS RUN IN YOUR FAMILY?! :DDDDDDD

Uh... So, Saul? You just met her two minutes ago. O_O;;; You're not even friends with her yet. Thats... WELL THATS DESPERATION LOVE RIGHT THERE PEOPLE!

Oh look! Red hair! *bounces* Hi Heidi! Nice to meet you bb..! :D Your face is a little weird and your hairs a bit stringy but its nothing a little makeover couldn't soften :D I know Saul appears to have his heart set on Vanessa already, but doesn't hurt to keep his options open, right? I mean he DID only just arrive and who can really tell anything from first impressions?

Uh, I said kill WANDA with fire, not Saul's funky dance-orb thinger O_O;;; Stupid lightening god. DAMN YOU THOR! Wait, this is GenericAsiaTown... DAMN YOU Ajisukitakahikone/Lei Gong/Lei-zi/Parjanya/Raiden/Tenjin/Xiu Wenyin!!

*shakes many multiple fists*

So what better way to celebrate the dance-orb-thinger not actually burning up in flames caused by lightning strike than to USE IT while the same storm rages on... Yeah, Carrots, you've just taken yourself out of the running, especially as you're probably going to Darwinianly eject yourself from the gene pool REALLLLLLL soon anyway O_O;;

Saul likey likeys the hot springs. He especially likes that to his right sits Vanessa. He's ignoring the fact that to his left sits random-comb-over guy... ^_^;;

Saul shocks me with his immeadiate prowess with the make-over chair (he got the ability to make over, no stuff ups, first attempt O_O) and gives Vanessa a free-makeover to try and do something about that solid mass she currently calls hair.

Saul is all "Y/Y!!" Srsly you put your questionably asian yukata-clad insta-girlfriend in anime style pigtails?

I have no idea if thats pure win or ultimate fetish terror?

Saul: Vanessa? IHEARTYOU! Lets get married!

Saul: My balls are fierce and filled with mighty impregnation juice! WE SHALL HAS MANNEH POWERFUL BABIES! ...FOUR HUNDRED BABIES!

Vanessa: Uh, I thought maybe we could take it a little slower, maybe, you know, start with holding hands?
Saul: *DEPRESSION*

Saul: Sure you don't want to just skip right to the awesome sex?

Wow, that took a lot of arm twisting... *whistles*

SAUL™ Guaranteed to please straight out of the box or your money back! :DDDDDD

PS: Man, I never noticed how MASSIVE his ears are O_o;;

Saul now comes with SUPER REALISTIC exploding woohoo lights and sexy times montage music..!

So I know whenever I've had awesome sex with some random tourist in his holiday home while living in GenericAsiatown™; I always feel the need to consume vast quantities of rancid salad straight after. >_>;;

Vanessa surely has made herself at home. O_O 12 hours in Saul's aquaintence and she's already helped her self to his food, his facilties, him, and his complimentary bath ballistics. Check out that knowing smile..!

Uh, Saul? You better be dreaming about denying Carrots access to ... Everything. Judging from your face I would say so... ¬_¬;;

VANESSA IS MADE OF WIN! This made me adorable out like nobody's business; I've never had a Sim decide to 'stick around' before, especially when she wasn't specifically asked to stay the night. Normally if they get out of the bed, that means they're out the door..! But NO! She ate, bathed and crawled semi-naked back into bed with him!

And now they're all smiley! *heartmelt*

Dawn breaks, its still raining, and so they decide to test out the quality and durability of the hammock. Excellent *steeples fingers*

*** Okay just here I found out that my Aunt had died a few hours prior. So pardon me if the rest of this isn't vaguely funny, mildy witty, even legible ... anything like that. ;_;

You finish having more explosive sex with Vanessa, she's standing before you in BLACK underwear (if a girl has black underwear it means she wants sex, dont you know? XD) and you're thinking of the nanny you've left home house-sitting your place and your cat?!

SAUL YOU NEED THERAPY.

Carrots is a STALKER. Saul and Vanessa decided to go on an outing to the hot springs; get a bite to eat and a massage perhaps. Who shows up seconds after them as though she was FOLLOWING THEM (they walked from Saul's holiday house). Creepy arse Carrots. The couple went to a secluded hot spring, she followed them there and then made THIS face at them till they got out... RUN, RUN NOW!!

MY FIRST BON VOYAGE THEMATIC MEAL! Sorry, just had to get it documented. XD

God, that makes me hungry!

Tai Chi! WOO! Look you have to convince her to let you impregnate her now, Saul. She's a ZenUterus™!

Think of all that unharnessed chi just lying dormant in her ovaries! WIN!!

WTH!?!? LEAVE THE TOUR GUIDE ALONE! O_O;;;

Also top hat and monacle + yukata = LULZ

Can you actually marry that guy? So his first name is really "Unsavoury" ?? XD

Saul pops into a private room to get an acupressure massage, Vanessa turns to him and squeals out "MISS YOU ALREADY, CALL ME BB!" ADORABLE!

PS: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THAT GUYS HAIR!!??! Thats... Calling it a Mullet doesn't even do it justice. Its like the grandfather of all mullets O_o;;;;;;;;;; Step away from it Vanessa! IT MIGHT ATTACK YOU!

OMG! Why is TerrorMullet and Carrots McStalkerson in the massage room with them?! AND WHY IS TERRORMULLET LOOKING AT SAUL'S BUTT?! There's only a thin layer of terry-towelling between him and the world. HALP HALP!

Vanessa! PROTECT SAUL WITH YOUR BODY!

Make it stop, please? ;_;

Saul: Congratulations on being a hot meat shield, sugarblossom!
Me: YES, THANKYOU! *lays burnt offerings at the Altar of Vanessa*

Vanessa rolled "Go out for a meal with Saul" so I sent them on a date -- yay my first date since installing nightlife! -- they headed out to an overly thematic community area and I SPOTTED THE NINJA THAT CAN TEACH SIMS TELEPORTATION!

And I'm pretty sure that Ninja is a CHICK! HARDCORE CHICK!! Here I was thinking you had to find some secret place in GenericAsiaTown™ but no! You just turn up to the most cliche lot in the neighbourhood and Poof!Ninja! -- LITERALLY :D

Saul wanted to toss a coin into the little wishing hut. Vanessa seemed to think this was a bad idea...

Saul: YAY! FORTUNE TIME!
Vanessa: I... Wouldn't do that if I were you...

Saul: Why not? OoOoOH PRETTY!

Vanessa: This is why.

WTH?!?! TASTE THE GOLDEN SPRAY!??!?! O_O;;; Zeus you're greek mythology, wth you doing here trying to impregnate a man?

So he gets pelted with a golden shower >_>;;; and then he gets a thousand dollars for his trouble. PROSTITUTION!!!!

Today's Lesson: Always read the fine print on wishing wells and fortune houses.

While the NinjaGirl discloses that she's watched the Matrix too many times ("It is more important to know which 'Thyself or Thy Enemy'? Seriously? THAT was all you must know to be enlightened to the secrets of teleportation? The NinjaGirl aint no Sphinx thats for sure), and whispers sweet nothings in Saul's ear -- Vanessa gets hit on by an elephant nosed man. I think Saul's interests are safe for the moment. :D

AWESOME!

YAY!! VANESSA IS IN LOVE! Saul: BIGPLUS!

Uh... I think falling in love does something weird to Vanessa...

Buh... In the immortal words of Brian Ferry & Roxy Music, Love is the Drug?

*snogsnogsnog*

I'm not entirely sure, but I actually think their faces melded into each other. D:

The holiday is over. Does Vanessa go back to Saul's home town with him to become the future incubator of four hundred babies?

HELL YES SHE DOES! :D

ShuttleBusGuy seems kind of pissed about it, don't you agree? Think he was trying to make a play for her and now he's got to put up with the two of them canoodling in the bus seats all the way to the airport. Awwww. I'd feel sorry for him, but he has really bad hair.

Back in 'the real world' Vanessa exits the shuttle bus onto Saul's front median and is STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!

STOP PICKING ON SAUL'S UTERUS, Ajisukitakahikone/Lei Gong/Lei-zi/Parjanya/Raiden/Tenjin/Xiu Wenyin

And Thor, don't think I've forgotten about you. I've got your number, Mister..!

Um.. So Violet's over... Guess she came to check on Cotton while Saul was away. She IS a cat lover... This isn't going to be awkard AT ALL... ^_^;;

While Violet's distracted by making kissy faces at Cotton, Saul ushers Vanessa into the bathroom so she can bathe (I TAKE IT BACK THOR/Ajisukitakahikone/Lei Gong/Lei-zi/Parjanya/Raiden/Tenjin/Xiu Wenyin!!! THANKS FOR PROVIDING AN AWESOME DIVERSION! But did you have to nearly kill Vanessa to do it? /never grateful enough) and kisses Violet goodbye.

Hey, you think he has a thing for chicks with V names?

Saul impresses Vanessa further by taking her for a spin in his Audi, and they discuss purchasing another Summer home. Wealth and V8s are apparently Vanessa's turn ons and the music-box like jingle of a tiny sperm entering the mothership can be heard as these two test the durability of the convertable's back seats. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE EAGLE HAS LANDED!

Vanessa rolled "Go out for a Meal with Saul" again so I thought I'd send them out on a date so he could pop 'the question' now that he's already knocked her up over some gourmet delights. Except he only wanted to propose a "committed relationship" and I thought that was silly so I let them finish the date (Dream Date ftw kids. Saul has his mojo set to Awesome) and sent them home...

(Although they insisted on cleaning up everyone's plates in the restaurant before leaving O_O;;; WHOA TIDY FAMILY SIMS ARE SCARY)

Back on home turf, (and a bit of Inteen flavour pack installation later) the couple return from their dream date and Saul gets down on one knee. MAN THATS SOME POWERFULLY SHINY ROCK. ITS LIKE AN ECLIPSE, DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY AT IT, YOU'LL GO BLIND!!

Some speedily arranged arrangements, a gorgeous non-white ball-gown, and some ring procurement later; Saul and Vanessa wed in Saul's front yard...

...While their guests stand across the street out of traffic's way to applaud. Violet sheds some tears, blocking the view of some random townie that decided to attend; apparently Cotton's trainer and baby-sitter are scary old twins. O_o;;

No idea who that red-headed bloke is. Apparently he and Saul are mates. Work friend maybe? He'd never brought him home or anything like that before. Oh well, atleast he was there to up the man-quotient a little :D

If he wasn't just a little rude... Violet? If you're looking for some other green pastures I don't think you can start here. Sorry baby.

RandomPossiblyWorkFriendofSaul's? Keep your fingers to yourself, k?

*is randomly reminded of Playing Beatie Bow* If her had a single long fingernail I'd've grabbed the mortality adjuster and set a plague of flies on his arse. O_o;;;

So Saul sprang for an enormous buffet and this chick goes to the fridge and stuffs her face with biscuits. Interesting. You guys know this questionable meat-clad ball of intelligence from where?

HONEYMOON TIME!! And the Limousine driver's face says it all. She's gonna watch, and she's gonna love it..!

WHOA! And Saul? He's gonna let her. And HE'S gonna love it.

THE UTERUS IS SECURE! MISSON ACCOMPLISHED! :D Next edition: the ACTUAL breeding *farthearts* :D

OMAKE:

Check it out! Cotton is a boat! OOOOOOOOP!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!! ICEBERG RIGHT AHEAD..! OOOOOOP! SAVE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!

*vaguely wonders if fleas jump ship like rats*